Hate is baggage, life is too short to be pissed off all the time.

I sit here most nights trying to figure out the right words to say without sounding like a total idiot. I guess I've gotten so scared of people opinions that I forgot that this is about me and no one else.

Lately, I've been jealous. Jealous of my sister, jealous of my friends, jealous of how easy some people have it, and I listen to them complain how hard things are. I've worked for everything. I've worked to get where I am. It doesn't matter what type of labor, I tried it to get where I am today. Now, I'm exhausted. Not from work-but from trying so hard to impress people. I'm no knight in shining armor, or the prodigal child. I'm no saint, or savior. I'm me. I make mistakes- a lot of them. I work my ass off and have little to show for it. I have a huge heart, and let the world trample on it and take advantage of me. The worst part is, is's not just the world. It's the ones i'm closest to. I try harder to impress the people i already know than the ones I'm yet to meet.

I know it may not seem fantastic to most people, and may seem kind of stupid, but i'd like to find myself this summer. I want to know who Rebecca Grace Whitworth really is. i want to come out of this stronger and happier than I've ever been and I'm not taking crap from anyone, especially those I've taken the time to associate with the most. Don't get me wrong, i love my friends and family but there are many nights i ask myself why i deserve the short end of the stick. I'll keep working if I have to and i'll do a damn good job of it. Just don't expect me to be the girl you're used to. I'm wiping "doormat' off my forehead. I'm tired of being angry at myself for not expressing how I feel and just eating the pain. It's making me sick and tired and feel a hell of a lot older than I am. It's time to grow up, and be me.

Peace, love, and happiness,
the always Amazing Gracelin

Making Something out of Absolutely Nothing

It's kind of magical to me how one can sit around and wonder, "what the hell am I going to do for dinner", go into their cabinet, and make something amazing. Don't get me wrong, we have food, plenty of it, just none of real substance. There are snack foods galore on the rack in the kitchen area, but no meat, no sauces, and mainly carbs.

Ugh. I just feel my tummy exploding.

But tonight was different. I've moved completely out of my dorm room, and thanks to a couple friends Jerry has a little extra food. And with that I just had to experiment. We had chicken leftovers from last night. okay thats a start. Then I found penne noodles, and he had some spaghetti sauce packet that I was more than apprehensive about. But I decided to try it.

GREATEST CHICKEN PARMESAN OF MY LIFE!
Just saying.

I don't know how I pulled it together, but I did, and after our fight last night I came back to the room to find candles on the table, with it set, and my food was amazing.

Sorry I'm bragging, but it just feels great when you can fill up the un-fillable man by making something out of absolutely nothing.

Peace, love, and happiness
Amazing Gracelin

What's there to fight about?

First off I want you to know I love you. I don't care, whoever you are, I love you. Now some people don't truly understand this word, and I'm so scared I'm starting to become one of them. I've been with the same man for over a year, and yes, I love him dearly. But, in all honesty, we've hurt each other multiple times, in multiple ways. And last night I was surely ready to throw in the towel.

What is a fight? Where two people yell and scream and throw things? No, a fight is when two people look so painfully upon each other and see every flaw the other has and not hates that person, but themselves for it.

We haven't really spoken since we went to sleep, and it pains me to wonder what this will end as. What is there to fight about, really? Besides each others mistakes that neither of us can truly get over. Or the things we hold over each others heads.

Remember, i love you, whoever you are, I love you. I hope you feel the same way too.

Peace, love, and happiness
AMazing Gracelin

How do I begin....

I'm sure you can assume that someone persuaded me to do this, thanks Kassie and Sam, but maybe it's not such a bad idea.  My names Grace, and as of tomorrow I'll be a sophomore at Appalachian State. I'm originally from good ol' Greensboro, North Carolina where you can walk down the street and literally watch the country turn into the ghetto, and conveniently enough I live right on that line.  I went to Southeast Guilford High School, home of the Falcons, and despised it. I've been ready to get out of Greensboro since I was 14 and Boone seemed to be a pretty safe bet. Little did I know I'd get the Boone Blues, a vitamin D deficiency, and be absolutely miserable for the first two months I was here.

Blech, I'm ranting.

So I guess you'd like to know why I decided to do this. I think it's time to have a diary again. I'm struggling with my own inner self, and expressing it to others seems like a decent remedy. It's time I stop moping and help myself. What'cha think?

Alright, I won't bore you anymore. I just hope you enjoy!

Peace, love, and happiness,
Amazing Gracelin