I sit here most nights trying to figure out the right words to say without sounding like a total idiot. I guess I've gotten so scared of people opinions that I forgot that this is about me and no one else.
Lately, I've been jealous. Jealous of my sister, jealous of my friends, jealous of how easy some people have it, and I listen to them complain how hard things are. I've worked for everything. I've worked to get where I am. It doesn't matter what type of labor, I tried it to get where I am today. Now, I'm exhausted. Not from work-but from trying so hard to impress people. I'm no knight in shining armor, or the prodigal child. I'm no saint, or savior. I'm me. I make mistakes- a lot of them. I work my ass off and have little to show for it. I have a huge heart, and let the world trample on it and take advantage of me. The worst part is, is's not just the world. It's the ones i'm closest to. I try harder to impress the people i already know than the ones I'm yet to meet.
I know it may not seem fantastic to most people, and may seem kind of stupid, but i'd like to find myself this summer. I want to know who Rebecca Grace Whitworth really is. i want to come out of this stronger and happier than I've ever been and I'm not taking crap from anyone, especially those I've taken the time to associate with the most. Don't get me wrong, i love my friends and family but there are many nights i ask myself why i deserve the short end of the stick. I'll keep working if I have to and i'll do a damn good job of it. Just don't expect me to be the girl you're used to. I'm wiping "doormat' off my forehead. I'm tired of being angry at myself for not expressing how I feel and just eating the pain. It's making me sick and tired and feel a hell of a lot older than I am. It's time to grow up, and be me.
Peace, love, and happiness,
the always Amazing Gracelin
I like it when you express yourself!
ReplyDeleteIt's easier to be who you are than who you're not.